In 2019 I remember what it was like to be alone all day without ever having a decent conversation or a simple hello. Sometimes it would be days before I actually saw another human being I could say something to. The only way people wanted to converse was electronically, and it got to a point where the most stimulating conversation I could have was a phone call. Maybe that’s why I don’t get SPAM calls anymore? They never got a chance to hook me in. I had too much to say, and nobody was around to hear it. They suffered the consequences. I’m probably on some list labeled ,”Crazy White Chick, Won’t Shut Up”.
The things I wanted to say and had to say would build up and bubble over. Without conversation I had lost myself, and the ideas I have… They are meant to be heard. I was taking a non fiction creative writing class, because I had taken all the other creative writing courses, so why not another, right? I knew nothing of nonfiction other than a few autobiographies, but we were given an assignment to write a memoir. I started one, and I couldn’t finish it. Of course, my professor saw this. My memoir was already well passed the word count, and I still had so much to say. Ideas for movies, my thoughts on things I watch, how one image can send me through pages of conversing with the person who will read it. I had too much creative thought, and nowhere to put it. The memoir helped, and it still does. Might be a bit of an interesting story for future reference as to the psychological affects of a quarantine if it were to manifest itself into can I just round up to 2 years?. Wow the situation has changed so much since I first started it. It was just me, and BAM!!! EVERYONE WAS LIVING LIKE ME!?!?
I once spent entire days sending long messages to everyone I know trying to fill that need for conversation and interaction, but they all fell flat. It hurt at the time, but that’s when my focus became you. Whoever you are, I guess reading at this very moment. What would I tell you? A bunch of political nonsense and outrage at the present state of our existence? No. I talk about things people don’t usually hear. It’s uncensored, unedited, and is presented exactly as it is supposed to be. An intriguing conversation.
This conversation started with one thought, but that thought led to another to another to another and to another until… The words stopped. I was able to relate to others with the loneliness solitude can bring, but then the world got crazy. Well, it already had been, but I finally started paying attention. What I see is what I feel, and what I feel is too much negative energy. How are we still living with this? It killed my superpower. The ability to write about anything, anytime, for however long disappeared the moment I realized I missed the world falling apart.
I see the people I once was, which was oblivious. I don’t know how much good it would do to make them unoblivious at this point. Still, That’s pretty stubborn, but then you have the gullible people who are throwing out a lot more negative energy. It’s like waves of too much information to handle, and the terrifying part about it is that’s our reality.
Which is worse? Oblivious or gullible? I honestly don’t know. I feel bad for those in either situation. I have one question for you though, if our world has fallen apart, what can we do to fix it ourselves? Obviously, we can’t rely on our own governments. They lie, cheat, and steal. That’s not playing fair. Does the world still need to be divided, because it seems like there is enough for everyone to have, yet, those who need what we simply don’t want suffer from our lack of acknowledgement.
All of that ^ is why I lost focus. I feel like the world needs us to do more, and it’s daunting. I honestly don’t know where to start, or how I can help. It’s all up to one man in my country. He’s a good guy, but what if there were 3? One guy to fire all the corrupt, some other guy to help the poor like Robin Hood, and a woman to make sure there aren’t any fights. Sound like a good plan? Theoretically, It might be more beneficial for my country. However, we now know that there’s more corruption than love in this country, so who can we possibly trust?